Musings of a YA author throwing herself into the fray. Join me on the journey ...

Friday, July 20, 2012

Awkward 2x4 Recap Are You There God? It's Me, Jenna

Okay, I know I haven't yet posted the recap for the epic Three's a Crowd, and I promise I will, but I'm going to jump ahead into last night's religulous experience Are You There God? It's Me, Jenna.

Awkward. Epsiode 2x4 Summary and Review in 500 798 words or less

The Least You Need to Know: Matty is totally trying to sabotage Jenna's relationship with Jake. Also, Lacey is failing in her reconciliation attempts with Kevin aka Cute Dad.

The Set-Up: Guilt! So much guilt. Guilt for being the catalyst in her parents' breakup. Guilt for not telling Jake about Matty. Guilt about still having feelings for Matty??? And to assuage it, the shiny mother ship of guilt--church. Hey, at least there's donuts! But also Jake's ex-Lissa, who invites Jenna to Jesus camp for the weekend, to atone for the all the sinning aka boyfriend theft (and maybe some impure thoughts abouts an ex? just sayin...).

The Sagging Middle: Tamara is not down with this whole weekend cult experience. Do not drink the kool-aid, she warns. But Jenna feels the need for some spiritual healing. Oh, hey, stalker Kyle, waz up with the Jenna Lives band? Broke up. Too much unwanted attention from jocks and pretty boys (wink, wink). We're now Take It Outside. WTF? That's my line, Tamara says.

Sadist Sadie confronts ex-BFF Lissa about her refusal to fall back in line. No way. Lissa blames Sadie for her bad karma. Besides Jenna's gonna be her new bestie. Sadie is not pleased.

Jenna steps into Crazy Cakes's office. I broke up my parents so I'm going to Jesus Camp. Holy Match.com! Cute Dad is available? Focus, Crazy Cakes. Jenna, just remember that turning to God is a slippery slope, Val counsels. First it's all hugs and the next thing you know you're bald and handing out leaflets at the airport.

In the quad, hot girls give Matty the eye, but he's blinded by his broken heart. You've got to get over that lame bitch, Jake tells him. What lame bitch? Jenna asks. The one who dumped Matty, Jake reminds. Oh, yeah, me, Jenna remembers. Great idea, bro--let's double date this weekend, Jake invites. Oh, Hells No--I'm going to church camp, declares Jenna. It's gonna be love, peace, and donuts. But who does she spy on the bus to redemption? The anti-Christ, Sadie. Hallelujah?

Rescue me T, Jenna begs from the woods. Sorry, I'm grounded cause of that douche-flame Ricky Schwartz I keep flitting to, says moth-Tamara.  Also, thanks for the stalker.

Like Moses on Mount Sanai, Sadist Sadie lays down the law to Jenna: Lissa is mine. Luckily for Jenna, there's a ubiquitous-YA gay guy to listen to her moan session and teach her a lesson--Own Your Own Shit! In the words of Judy Blume, nobody can make you feel bad about yourself unless you let them.

At a bar, Lacey's desperately praying Jenna will call for a rescue. Hey, single lady! calls out Crazy Cakes. No, we're on a break, Lacey replies, cause I can't be single. Whatever, says Val. Let me show you how to break bread in public, alone.

It's come as your favorite biblical character night at camp. Lissa is Eve, Gay Guy is Adam, and Jenna's the serpent, natch. Sadie is Mary, about five seconds from needing a manger.

In the Anno Domini, Tamara demands Kyle cease and desist their stalkership.

Back at camp it's time for share circle! It's like Friends of Bill but with Jesus. Lissa confesses her handiwork prowess with Jake. Ewww! But instead it brings Lissa & Jenna closer to BFF status sending Sadist Sadie into the ninth circle of hell. Hey, Hamilton, how bout that suicide attempt? she reveals to all. It was an accident! Beg forgiveness, sinner, sayeth the circle, or burn forever, or is it purgatory, or--? Jenna snaps--Nevermind. Satan Forever!

Val is on step 3 of showing Lacey how to become a crazy cat lady eat in public alone: it's all about the reading material. And the wine. Much wine. Hey, thanks new bestie! says Lacey. No problem, Val replies. Also, I'm going to ask Cute Dad for a date.

Jenna has an epiphany: beneath the dim cheerleader exterior, Jake's ex-Lissa is a really good person. Hugs.

Denouement: IamJenna.com updates: Jenna and Lacey will survive! They've absolved and evolved. And they're not alone, reminds the Anonymous commenter. Who r u? Jenna asks. Not God...

Jenna reveals to Tamara the secret to happiness: compassion. Too bad Tamara has none for stalker  Kyle. If you're gonna stalk me, she says, here's some lite reading. She hands him an All About Tamara scrapbook.

Lissa decides to reconcile with Sadie, realizing that Sadist Saxton is her cross to bear.

Matty apologizes to Jenna about what happened at the quad. You're not a lame bitch, you're boyfriend said that. No worries. Truce? Sure. A tall blonde walks by. Hey, Matty, she purrs. Matty is no longer oblivious, and sniffs his pits. Oh, Sweet Jesus.

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