It's baaaacccckkkk...Awkward. Recaps

So,  I am way behind on these, but I plan to get the recaps for the first three eps up before the new one on Thursday. Enjoy!

Episode 2x1 Resolutions Summary and Review in 500 753 words or less

The Least You Need To Know: While it’s been 9 long months for us since Awkward.’s first season finale in which Jenna chose Sweetheart Jake over High School Fantasy (HSF) Matty and discovered that it was her mom, Lacey, who authored the infamous Care-frontation letter, in fair Palos Verde it’s been a mere fortnight since these events came to pass.

The Set-up: Tis the night before Christmas, and nothing is stirring except Jenna’s mouse as she catches up on her blogging (Nice to know she’s not the only one who falls behind. Ahem.) The news to her readership: Jake = Bliss. Well, maybe bliss is too strong a word, but definitely more happy-like. And guess what? Jake invites her to update her relationship status to GFF. But is she ready for such a visible commitment while visions of sugar plum Matty still dance in her head?

The Sagging Middle: Christmas morn, family presents around the Hamilton tree. Playing the role of Joan Crawford, Lacey tries to buy her way out of guilt with some bling for her baby girl, while from Cute Dad …a Costco-size box of condoms?!? Awkward.

Skip ahead and it’s time to party like it’s 2012. Jenna’s on the phone with Tamara, who’s still the moth to Ricky Schwartz’s douche-flame. Also, even though Jenna knows about her mom’s role in her non-suicide attempt, she’s keeping it on the DL for now. But Lacey notices her daughter’s growing distance. Could it be because Jake hasn’t made their relationship online official? Gah! Parents just don’t understand, Jenna blogs, as a comment from Anonymous pops up. WTW? Who’s cyber stalking Jenna? (Odds on favorites: Matty or Lacey)

Matty is the NYE host with the most which makes everything totes awkward for Jenna. Luckily, Ming and Tamara are already there cause Jenna is still wigged out by her Anon commenter. Meanwhile, Jake’s ex-Lissa wants to repent her sins against Jenna Old Testament styles—a slap for a slap. And while Jenna gives the Hamiltonsawhore.com webmaster a free pass, the same cannot be said for the Lissa-Sadie ex-BFF relaysh. In the kitchen, Matty’s getting the scoop on the sitch between his bestie and his girl, while Jenna hovers in the pantry. RING, RING!! It’s Crazy Cakes! Aw, Val, I’ve missed you so.

Crazy Cakes is a stood-up mess, but Jenna can’t help right now because she’s decided what she really needs for the new year is closure with Matty. Except that’s not what Matty wants. Oh, no. He wants a second chance. So meet him in the basement at midnight, he pleads, and--in the douchiest Matty moment ever—volunteers to tell Sweetheart Jake himself, who’s sure to understand once he knows it was Matty who tapped Jenna first. WTF????

Anywho, said Sweetheart is whining to Ming and Tamara about the too-long delay of his online girlfriend request. ‘Cept T doesn’t have time for this cause Ricky’s scamming some bimbette on the sofa.  So Jake posits the question to Jenna who’s all deflect, missing cat, deflect. And then…Crazy Cakes arrives to save the day and eventually helps J realize that you can’t let past disappointments hold you back.

10 seconds till midnight: who’s Jenna gonna choose? Sweetheart Jake or HSF Matty? Matty, Matty, Matty…but it’s Jake who gets kissed into the New Year. Which pretty much drives drunkass Matty into the arms of unrequited-luvah Sadie. Luckily, he passes out mid-ab reveal. Phew! Crisis averted.

On to the resolutions portion of the program:

Tamara = No more Ricky. For reals this time. Wait…awww, Ricky.

Lissa = WWJD? For Life

Jenna = No resolutions, and, okay, a slap for Jake’s ex-Lissa.

Denouement: Jake sees Jenna’s econo-box o’condoms. Wow! I’m getting lucky. Oh, don’t feel so special, Sweetheart Jake, my dad gets them for all my boyfriends. What? Yeah, but only for those I REALLY love. That was TMI. Please don’t leave! Hell’s no, I’m totally getting laid! Okay, but if we’re gonna do IT then I really have to change my online status to Jake’s GF for everyone to see. Oh, and confront my mom.  Also, who the hell is this Anonymous commenter?

Best quote: “I am tore up from the floor up; I am beat up from the feet up; and, I need a check up from the neck up.”

Best Matty/Jenna moment: When they awkwardly hug/fist bump each other at the party.

Best scene: Sadie licking the cheese flavor from the Doritos.