Awkward 2x9 Recap: Homewrecker Hamilton

Sorry about last week's missed post--beach vacation got in the way. I'll get back to it at some point.

Awkward 2x9: Homewrecker Hamilton Summary and Review in 1000 words or less

The Least You Need to Know: At Aunt Ally's wedding, Sadie told Jake everything. Subsequently, Jake kicked Jenna to the curb just moments after she declared her love via VM. Upon hearing the news Matty rushed right over to comfort his friend J-Town, with his lips...while Jake peeped from outside. Dundundun! Also, Lacey's Ben = Matty, not Jake. Ah, foreshadowing.

The Set-Up: 2 days post-breakup, Jenna's staying at Cute Dad's place updating IamJenna.com and bemoaning her loss. Why, Jake, why? Except for the moments when she's reminiscing her Matty makeout session. Phone rings. Not hers. Some chick for her dad. WTW? No time to ponder though cause Cute Dad's bought her a new old car. Noooooo! Big gift means the big D for her parents, right? Ding. Finally, Jake returns one of her texts...Oh. Shite. It's a pic of her and Matty en flagrante delipto. Cheater, cheater pumpkin eater.

The sagging middle: At school, in the Jenna wagon, Tamara and Ming weigh in on the pic sitch: Holy! Shite! Jenna argues her innocence--the Matty mack down did not occur until post-dump. She's clear on a technicality. Now to explain the timeline to Jake. Easier said than done. He holes up in the john to avoid her.

Meanwhile, in my absolute fave storyline of this so-so season, Becca, leader of the PHH Asian mafia materializes at Ming's locker with test answers, Ming's missing glasses, and her locker combo. Where's Fred Woo? Ming asks. Fred who? Never heard of him, Becca replies.

Jake finally exits the can and Jenna declares her innocence-on-a-technicality. Too little, too late. I know everything! Jake states. Oh, Holy. Shite!! Matty, too,  exclaims when Jenna shows him the pic and the relates the new status quo. How did this happen?? You're welcome, offers Sadist Sadie. You're a bitch, replies Matty. Thanks for the compliment, but you're the villain here, retorts Sadie. You kept big time secrets from your BFF.

Jake refuses to talk to either of them, and no one is talking to Ming, including Fred Woo. And her test answers were wrong. Has she been disavowed by the Asian Mafia, Tamara wonders. In the quad, it's time for Wheel. Of. Pep. hosted by the scorned sophomore class prez, Jake. Jenna volunteers in a bid to make him hear the truth: all the Matty goodness happened pre- and post-Jake.(How that's supposed to make things better, IDK). Why don't we bring up your partner-in-cuckoldry, too? says Jake. Come on down, Matty McKibben!

Once on stage, things get ugly faster than a Sadie/Ricky makeout sesh. Kiss Matty, slut! taunts Jake. Step off, Matty defends J-Town's honor, garnering a right hook from Jake. Then another taunt and punch. And another. Until Matty cold clocks his BFF and oh-so-classily declares "I Effed Your Girlfriend" in front of the whole school.

This lands the boys before VP Crazy Cakes for arbitration. Matty takes the fall for the fight and for Jenna's cheatin ways. Jake delares their friendship finito. And then in the most effed up move of the season, Jenna, who just two days before was wondering whether her residual feelings for her ex-luvah were the reason for her reticence in saying the L-word to her current squeeze, bypasses said chivalrous ex-luvah in favor of the guy who is publicly proclaiming her Hester Prynne, the sequel. Sad-faced Matty breaks my heart.

In the sanctuary, Ming is waiting for a skulking Fred Woo. Shhh! he says. I like you, so I can't talk to you. Ever. Why? Ming wants to know. Becca's my ex and she's going ninja on your ass. You're in danger, girlfriend.

Jenna has a new moniker: KStew Homewrecker Hamilton (Though I'm still unsure how this particular name applies. What home's were wrecked?) Also, she's now driving the Slut!-mobile.This sends Lacey over the edge. How could Cute Dad buy you a car without my input? she moans. Cause he most likely wants a divorce, Jenna reveals. Lacey sad.

Denouement: IamJenna.com update: Jenna's a wreck. But Anon convinces her that maybe s/he shouldn't be the only one privy to Jenna's private thoughts. Next day, Tamara reveals that Jenna's blog has gone wide. Everybody knows everything. Result: Jake's ex-Lissa is pleased; Kyle declares Jenna Lives is back together; Jake is...humiliated. And so is Matty.

Who did this? indignant Tamara demands. I did, stuns Jenna.

In Review: This week was the villanization of Jake, the transformation of Matty from pussy to warrior, and the set-up for Jenna to choose...neither. Yes, I'm afraid the writers are going to go with the old "I choose me" scenario ala the original YA tv love triangle, 90210. Because Jenna can't pick either without coming off as a bitch.  My predictions for the rest of the season are thus: Jenna will not make Sophie's choice; Matty will have a relationship with the bimbette; Lissa will make a play to get back humiliated Jake; Lacey and Cute Dad will reconcile. Matty and Jenna's reunion will be fodder for season 3.

Please, for once, let my writerly instincts be wrong!!

Best Matty/Jenna moment: Holy shite! moment at Matty's locker when he reminds Jenna that her lips were pretty involved, too.

Best lines: Two guys, fighting over a girl is...a fantasy for some women.

Awkward Epi 2x7:

Another One Bites The Dust Summary and Review in 1000 words or less

The Least You Need To Know: Jenna's feelings for Jake are befuddled, and sex may just be the answer. But not right now. Cause Aunt Ally's getting married! To Sadie's uncle? What!

The Set-Up: Ah, her wedding day...the day all little girls dream about since their first Disney movie.  Jenna's wondering about hers while at the bridal shop waiting for Aunt Ally to emerge in what she, Sadie, Lacey and some prego chick bridesmaid are betting will be some Miley Cyrus-inspired gown. Except it's totally classy, and hey, so are the bridesmaid dresses. Maybe this won't be so bad... Hold the phone--what is that fuscia floral monstrosity?? That's for you, flower bitch, Ally tells Jenna.

Tamara tells her not to worry, just have the requisite pervy old uncle at the wedding get you drinks and you'll forget all about this hideous dress. Guess what? Lacey's spending the night at the hotel, so tonight it's bom chicka wah wah time with Sweetheart Jake, Jenna spills. Meantime, Ally's inner bridezilla is emerging and while taming it, Lacey divulges that the reason for the hotel room is to tempt Cute Dad into some hotel sex reconciliation. Sorry, Lacey, your hubby RSVP'd in the negatory. But guess who didn't?!? Ben!! Squee!!! (And my Felicity analogy stands)

The Sagging Middle: Ben? Who's Ben? Jenna wonders. But there's no time because her flower basket is missing. Crisis ensues! The wedding planner's assistant quits under the pressure. Here, take Tamara, she works cheap, Jenna offers. But Ally's already tipped over the edge, and Jenna quits her role of flower bitch.

She calls Jake, who's borrowing a suit from Matty. Hey, forget the wedding, we're in the clear for sexy times at 5 o'clock. Make that 4:59, Jake replies all grins. Probably good thing, Matty tells him, cause this suit is cursed. By the by, who was the chick who dumped you at formal? Jake wonders. Luckily for Matty the phone rings: Courtney, his new piece. So, what's the dealio with y'all? asks Jake. She could be GF material, says Matty. Whew! You're finally over that girl from camp, congratulates his BFF. Yeah, finally...

At the Hamilton's, Sadist Sadie arrives, rubbing her kissy-kissy with Douche Ricky in Heartbroken Tamara's face. Whatever. Who's Ben? Jenna needs to know. Lacey's first love, Ally replies. Yikes! Jenna and T, do some Sherlock Holmsing into Lacey's high school past: yearbooks, pics. Ding dong. Here's Ben...and he's totally cute and all over Lacey. DefCon 2! Jenna declares. Flower bitch is back!

Ben is tall, dark and all over Lacey. Hey, mom, remember Cute Dad? Dad, who? All Lacey can remember is her memories of Ben, the man who swiped her v-card and...OMG! Ben=Matty. Jenna dials 911 to her dad. But then they need a real ambulance when the prego girl's water breaks. Crap, I need another bridesmaid, wails Ally. Who's available last minute on a Saturday afternoon? Hey, Crazy Cakes. Jenna begs Val for a favor: distract this Ben from my mom and I'll buy you a new cat. I'm in, agrees Crazy Cakes.

Next: Ally vs. Sadie. Ally wants bridesmaids' hair in double buns. Sadie says no. Bridezilla wins. Double buns. Jenna takes a moment to remind Lacey of her let-no-man-put-asunder vows with her dad. But Ben's so hawt, drools Lacey. Tamara, mic'd up like J.Lo. in that wedding planner movie with McConaughey, tells Jenna she's got a visitor.

Hi, Matty. Adorkably cute convo ensues. Then Jake appears. Thanks for the suit, bro, and have fun with Courtney (aka Bimbette), wink, wink. Matty to J-Town: You and my BFF look great together. Happy times to you, but my heart, it stings. (Aww!) Obligingly, Jenna asks of Matty's new piece. Oh, she's great; we're great; it's all greatness, he assures. My heart, it stings, too, she tells him. Closure is bittersweet.

So, maybe I'm overreacting over my mom and her Ben? thinks Jenna. Not so much. On the phone Ben's telling someone that Lacey's a total MILF and he's making a move at the wedding.

Ding, dong, ding! The wedding bells have rung for Aunt Ally. And Jenna's got her hands full keeping Lacey off the booze and off of Ben, who's pouring it on extra thick. Also, Ricky and Sadie keep shoving their tongues down each other's throats and Tamara's a woman on the edge. Time for her BFF to step in. Tone it down, she warns Sadie. All's fair in love, Sadie retorts. Maybe for now, but your's won't be the only mouth Ricky sticks his tongue down for long, Jenna tells her.

Meanwhile, Aunt Ally's all shades of Sixteen Candles with some muscle relaxers. Lacey's afraid she's rushed into this marriage, but Ally says he's the first man who really loved her. You don't forget that. Ever. Lacey looks longingly to Ben. Sick'em, Crazy Cakes! Jenna begs. No way, I don't do pretty boys, Crazy Cake avows.

Sadie confronts Ricky about his cheatin' ways. Dollface, my tongue is yours forever, he promises. This, deliberately in front of Tamara. It's Sweetheart Jake who suits up for the rescue. Jenna tells Ben to step off cause her dad is aces. Ben reminds her: don't take the one you love for granted. Word. It's sexy time for Jake!

(That gd demon movie trailer scares the shite outta me!)

Denouement: Jake's giving the gears to Sadist Sadie, for Tamara, which convinces Jenna it's time to give him the L-word. But it may be too late, cause Sadie fights dirty and tells Jake he's getting his BFF Matty's sloppy seconds. No way, he says, but as the pieces start to fall into place in his head (the mysterious girl from camp, the secret convos at their lockers, the winter formal) he's not so sure. Poor Jake...

Best Matty/Jenna moment: It stings!!

Best lines: Big love hair.

Awkward 2x6 Episode Recap

Awkward. 2x6 Summary and Review in 1000 words or less

Again, sorry for the delay...

The Least You Need to Know: Valentine's Day sucks! Except for Ming. And definitely no more double-dates with your first love and his new piece. Also, Jake loves Jenna, which is totally awesome, right? Then  how come she can't say it back??

The Set-up: Jenna's tossing and turning. Why didn't Jake's love declaration illicit the same response in her? Maybe she's just not in touch with her feelings yet. But no time to think cause... Aunt Ally's back, beyotches! Sportin a diamond on her ring finger. From Dan, who after just two weeks, a trip to Paris and 4.6 carats later, she lurves. How can Ally know so soon and I can't, Jenna wonders?

Tamara and Ming are pretty sure her "awesome" response sent Jake scrambling for a Prozac scrip. Also, Tamara declares her post-bladder-failure nickname as Tinklebell to all the haters.  Are you in love with Jake? Check yes or no, they demand. Maybe, maybe not, answers Jenna. That's a no, they decide.

In the sanctuary, Sadist Sadie demands some heavy petting from Douche Ricky. I want more, he tells her. Not a chance, band geek. I don't take my shame grope out in public. 

You're leading Jake on, T & M tell Jenna. But I love being his GF, isn't that the same thing? You either know or you don't, there's no middle ground with love. And Ming knows first hand, cause of Fred Woo. 

Taking a break from the announcements with guest host, Matty.

Jake: Hey, bro, I told Jenna the L-word. 

Matty: Whoa! Y'all had sex? 

Jake: No.  

Matty: Amateur. You dangle that carrot till she puts out. Gotta play it chill now, dude. She'll come around. 

Jake: Easy for you, stud. You've never been in love.

Matty: (sad face)

In class, Jenna presents Exhibit A to Tamara: her notebook with a lovey-dovey pic of J&J on the cover. All good, except for the "I heart M.M." written on the back, T argues. Maybe residual Matty feelings are clouding her Jake feelings. Sex is the answer, Tamara declares. 

Jenna passes Matty on the way to Jake. It's full of weird. Anywho...hey, Jake, apropo of nothing, we should have sex--Oops! Is that mic hot? Um, yes. 

Here's your scarlett "A", Hester Prynne, the school declares. But Matty rescues her from the tar & feathers. Should I give Jake the map to J-Town? Oh Hells No. (And they're so adorkably cute together I can barely stand it!) Okey dokey, but go easy, ex-luvah, cause he's really in to you, i.e. don't break his poor besotted heart like mine. Hey, guess what? Matty's moved out of the weird zone and into the friend zone, Jenna decides. (Note: Ex's never stay in the friend zone, Jenna. They either come back off the bench or retire. This is basic relationship 101 stuff.)

Crazy Cakes calls Jenna to her office. About the sex, some advice: Be a lady in the streets, and a freak in the sheets. Also, me and your mom are doing yoga this afternoon. 

Sex is not the answer to her love dilemma, Jenna decides. Too bad Jake is totally jonesin for some Jenna luvin. Let's sync our calendars for sexy times. Guess what? I'm free now, says Jake. Yay? thinks Jenna. How bout my car? Too small. Your mom's at yoga right? Oh, yeah...okay, if you insist, let's go to my house and have the sex. Mercy bang, anyone?

Parked car. Rockin. Douche-Ricky and Sadist Sadie in the backseat. Last time, she declares. No, he begs. Man up, dude. 

Approaching the Hamilton homestead, Sweetheart Jake's bouncing around like a rat terrier with a new toy. But Lacey, Crazy Cakes, and Aunt Ally are at home for the ultimate cockblock. Uh, rain check, please. Jake exits stage left. 

Ding dong. What's Sadist Sadie doing here? Turns out she and Jenna are gonna be kissing cousins when Aunt Ally marries Sadie's rich Uncle Dan. How did you know Dan's the man if you've not tested the plumbing beforehand? everyone inquires of Ally. If the feelings aren't already there, it's just plain ole S-E-X. And speaking of sex, Lacey needs to get laid. But what about Cute Dad? Is it over? 

Sadie ponders Aunt Ally's LoveLine wisdom and calls Douche Ricky--this may just be a match made in the ninth ring of hell. 

Updating Iamjenna.com: If doing the deed doesn't decide my feelings, maybe it's not worth doing it? Except Lacey reveals that sometimes the sex and the feelings all come at the same time, like with Cute Dad. So Jenna rings Jake: I've got the comdoms, big boy. Let's do this.

Jake scores his mom's mini-van. Jenna, playing the part of Felicity Porter (Season 1 episode ?), rushes to undress, but wait...Jake, ever the sweetheart, has constructed a love nest in the back complete with sprinkled rose petals. Gawd. Hey, you’re not just doing this to make me feel better? asks Noel Jake. Cause I just can’t hold in my love and if we don’t make it after this, I’ll pine for you forever, Felicity Jenna. (I’m pretty sure Jake is Noel at this point, or a girl. But definitely not a 16 year old guy, except a 16 y.o. guy as written by a 30-something y.o woman.) Well, guess what? I’m in love after all, Jenna finally decides, before she chokes on all the sap. But let’s wait on the sexy times, k? It’ll be worth it--just ask Matty...

Best Matty/Jenna moments: The hallway...just...loved it.

Best Lines I plan to work into my conversations: You're so J.V.
If you drink enough wine it tastes like love.

The YA Scavenger Hunt is Here!!!!

Hi guys!!! Welcome to the Summer 2012 YA Scavenger Hunt!

This tri-annual event was first organized by author Colleen Houck as a way to give readers a chance to gain access to exclusive bonus material from their favorite authors...and a chance to win some awesome prizes! At this hunt, you not only get access to exclusive content from each author, you also get a clue for the hunt. Add up the clues, and you can enter for our prize--one lucky winner will receive one signed book from each author on the hunt in my team! But play fast: this contest (and all the exclusive bonus material) will only be online for 4 days!

Go to the YA Scavenger Hunt page to find out all about the hunt. There are TWO contests going on simultaneously, and you can enter one or all! I am a part of the RED Team--but there is also a blue team for a chance to win a whole different set of signed books!
If you'd like to find out more about the hunt, see links to all the authors participating, and see the full list of prizes up for grabs, go to the YA Scavenger Hunt homepage.

SCAVENGER HUNT PUZZLE

Directions: Below, you'll notice that I've listed my favorite number. Collect the favorite numbers of all the authors on the red team, and then add them up (don't worry, you can use a calculator!).

Entry Form: Once you've added up all the numbers, make sure you fill out the form here to officially qualify for the grand prize. Only entries that have the correct number will qualify.

Rules: Open internationally, anyone below the age of 18 should have a parent or guardian's permission to enter. To be eligible for the grand prize, you must submit the completed entry form by August 5, at noon Pacific Time. Entries sent without the correct number or without contact information will not be considered.

SCAVENGER HUNT POST

Today, I'm really excited to introduce you to YA author, Teri Terry!  She is a super cool lady and her new book, Slated, sounds absolutely fascinating.  I can't wait to read it 13 times!  Here's the scoop about Teri:

Teri has lived in France, Canada, Australia and now England at more addresses than she can count.  Moving constantly as a child, teenager and also as an adult has kept her on the outside looking in much of her life.  It has given her an obsession with characters who don't belong for find themselves in unfamiliar places, like Kyla in Slated.

 And here's the scoop on her book!

Kyla's memory has been erased, her personality wiped blank, her memories lost forever.

She's been Slated.

The government claims she was a terrorist, and that they are giving her a second chance - as long as she plays by their rules. But echoes of the past whisper in Kyla's mind. Someone is lying to her, and nothing is as it seems. Who can she trust in her search for the truth?

Find out more information about Teri by checking out her website or find more about her book here!

And don't forget to enter the contest for a chance to win a copy of my June book, Tempest Unleashed, as well as Teri's books and a ton of other signed books! To enter, you need to find my favorite number, written in red somewhere in this blog post. Add up all the favorite numbers of the authors on the red team and you'll have the secret code to enter for the grand prize!

Also, I'm giving away a prize as well-- an ARC of my January Armageddon novel, Doomed.  Here's the blurb:

Beat the Game, Save the World.

One Stuxnet type worm,

One Greek-themed MMO,

One real world scavenger hunt,

Three teenagers on the run

And a ten-day countdown to total nuclear annihilation .

Pandora’s Box isn’t just a myth anymore …

When seventeen-year-old Pandora Walker opens an email attachment, she uploads the most frightening worm ever invented—and in doing so, brings about total technological Armageddon. Everything from the internet to communications to utilities collapses and suddenly Pandora finds herself on the run from Homeland Security, the FBI and every police department in the country, all of whom blame her for the technological wasteland sweeping across the U.S..  With the help of stepbrothers Eli and Theo, her neighbors and the two hottest guys in school-- plus codes encrypted in a world famous MMO--  she sets out on a real life scavenger hunt that only she can solve.  A scavenger hunt that pits her against one of the most brilliant men in the world—the maker of the Pandora worm.  Her father.  Only by unraveling the clues left by him in the MMO, and in real-world places around the U.S., can they hope to beat the clock ticking the days off until the entire planet is Doomed. 

All you have to do to be entered to win the ARC of Doomed is to leave a comment here on my blog!

CONTINUE THE HUNT

To keep going on your quest for the hunt, you need to check out the next author, the fabulous and amazing Peter Adam Salomon!