Awkward 2x9 Recap: Homewrecker Hamilton

Sorry about last week's missed post--beach vacation got in the way. I'll get back to it at some point.

Awkward 2x9: Homewrecker Hamilton Summary and Review in 1000 words or less

The Least You Need to Know: At Aunt Ally's wedding, Sadie told Jake everything. Subsequently, Jake kicked Jenna to the curb just moments after she declared her love via VM. Upon hearing the news Matty rushed right over to comfort his friend J-Town, with his lips...while Jake peeped from outside. Dundundun! Also, Lacey's Ben = Matty, not Jake. Ah, foreshadowing.

The Set-Up: 2 days post-breakup, Jenna's staying at Cute Dad's place updating IamJenna.com and bemoaning her loss. Why, Jake, why? Except for the moments when she's reminiscing her Matty makeout session. Phone rings. Not hers. Some chick for her dad. WTW? No time to ponder though cause Cute Dad's bought her a new old car. Noooooo! Big gift means the big D for her parents, right? Ding. Finally, Jake returns one of her texts...Oh. Shite. It's a pic of her and Matty en flagrante delipto. Cheater, cheater pumpkin eater.

The sagging middle: At school, in the Jenna wagon, Tamara and Ming weigh in on the pic sitch: Holy! Shite! Jenna argues her innocence--the Matty mack down did not occur until post-dump. She's clear on a technicality. Now to explain the timeline to Jake. Easier said than done. He holes up in the john to avoid her.

Meanwhile, in my absolute fave storyline of this so-so season, Becca, leader of the PHH Asian mafia materializes at Ming's locker with test answers, Ming's missing glasses, and her locker combo. Where's Fred Woo? Ming asks. Fred who? Never heard of him, Becca replies.

Jake finally exits the can and Jenna declares her innocence-on-a-technicality. Too little, too late. I know everything! Jake states. Oh, Holy. Shite!! Matty, too,  exclaims when Jenna shows him the pic and the relates the new status quo. How did this happen?? You're welcome, offers Sadist Sadie. You're a bitch, replies Matty. Thanks for the compliment, but you're the villain here, retorts Sadie. You kept big time secrets from your BFF.

Jake refuses to talk to either of them, and no one is talking to Ming, including Fred Woo. And her test answers were wrong. Has she been disavowed by the Asian Mafia, Tamara wonders. In the quad, it's time for Wheel. Of. Pep. hosted by the scorned sophomore class prez, Jake. Jenna volunteers in a bid to make him hear the truth: all the Matty goodness happened pre- and post-Jake.(How that's supposed to make things better, IDK). Why don't we bring up your partner-in-cuckoldry, too? says Jake. Come on down, Matty McKibben!

Once on stage, things get ugly faster than a Sadie/Ricky makeout sesh. Kiss Matty, slut! taunts Jake. Step off, Matty defends J-Town's honor, garnering a right hook from Jake. Then another taunt and punch. And another. Until Matty cold clocks his BFF and oh-so-classily declares "I Effed Your Girlfriend" in front of the whole school.

This lands the boys before VP Crazy Cakes for arbitration. Matty takes the fall for the fight and for Jenna's cheatin ways. Jake delares their friendship finito. And then in the most effed up move of the season, Jenna, who just two days before was wondering whether her residual feelings for her ex-luvah were the reason for her reticence in saying the L-word to her current squeeze, bypasses said chivalrous ex-luvah in favor of the guy who is publicly proclaiming her Hester Prynne, the sequel. Sad-faced Matty breaks my heart.

In the sanctuary, Ming is waiting for a skulking Fred Woo. Shhh! he says. I like you, so I can't talk to you. Ever. Why? Ming wants to know. Becca's my ex and she's going ninja on your ass. You're in danger, girlfriend.

Jenna has a new moniker: KStew Homewrecker Hamilton (Though I'm still unsure how this particular name applies. What home's were wrecked?) Also, she's now driving the Slut!-mobile.This sends Lacey over the edge. How could Cute Dad buy you a car without my input? she moans. Cause he most likely wants a divorce, Jenna reveals. Lacey sad.

Denouement: IamJenna.com update: Jenna's a wreck. But Anon convinces her that maybe s/he shouldn't be the only one privy to Jenna's private thoughts. Next day, Tamara reveals that Jenna's blog has gone wide. Everybody knows everything. Result: Jake's ex-Lissa is pleased; Kyle declares Jenna Lives is back together; Jake is...humiliated. And so is Matty.

Who did this? indignant Tamara demands. I did, stuns Jenna.

In Review: This week was the villanization of Jake, the transformation of Matty from pussy to warrior, and the set-up for Jenna to choose...neither. Yes, I'm afraid the writers are going to go with the old "I choose me" scenario ala the original YA tv love triangle, 90210. Because Jenna can't pick either without coming off as a bitch.  My predictions for the rest of the season are thus: Jenna will not make Sophie's choice; Matty will have a relationship with the bimbette; Lissa will make a play to get back humiliated Jake; Lacey and Cute Dad will reconcile. Matty and Jenna's reunion will be fodder for season 3.

Please, for once, let my writerly instincts be wrong!!

Best Matty/Jenna moment: Holy shite! moment at Matty's locker when he reminds Jenna that her lips were pretty involved, too.

Best lines: Two guys, fighting over a girl is...a fantasy for some women.