The Adventures of Aunt Ally and Lil' Bitch - Summary and Review in
500 703 words or less.
The Set-up: Lacey's acting weird - like a real mom - and Jenna's wigged out by it. Cause it's a setup: Lacey's WT BFF Ally shows up for a visit. Ally is to Jenna, like oil is to water. Ally calls her Lil' Bitch. And since Jenna's (cute) dad is out of town, Ally and Lacey decide to help Jenna host a kegger. Tamara is pro-party, Jenna's not so much...until Matty calls to RSVP in the affirmative. Ming is still on lockdown and can't attend, but Ricky Schwartz (Tamara's crush) is coming with his crew and Tamara blissfully declares that Jenna is going to be the hostess with the mostest. And, while Betty Friedan rolls in her grave, J's hormone-addled brain convinces her that if her party is epically awesome, Matty will see her as true girlfriend potential. (What's so sad/funny about this statement is that's how
The Sagging Middle: It's 9 o'clock and no one's arrived at the red-cup ready Hamilton abode yet. Ally and Lacey assure Jenna and T that cool kids don't arrive before 10. Which is enough time to give Jenna a sexified makeover, complete with duct-tape miracle bra and a beta-blocker (courtesy of Ally) for nerves. By the time Matty and Jake arrive, Jenna--in a very un-Jenna cleavage baring, fushia number--is blotto.
Record scratch, cut to next morning. Jenna awakes, raccoon-eyed, duct-tape still in place, and not alone in bed. Gasp! But it's only Ally, who confirms the party was bitchin'--especially the part where Jenna tongued some guy publicly, except Lil' Bitch can't remember which guy: Matty or Jake? Dundundun.
Trying to piece together the alcohol/drug-induced holes in her memory, Jenna flicks through the pics on her homepage to no avail. Frantic to figure out what happened she calls Tamara, who doesn't answer. A pissed off Lacey interrupts to say they've got 5 hours to get the house in shape before her dad gets home. Apparently, Ally and Lacey had a fight. And the house is wrecked. Is that boob smudge on the sliding glass door? Yep, Tamara's. Jenna vaguely recalls the flash incident, and also a cute, if drunken, convo on the back porch with Matty. The wet spot on the sofa is where she spit up tequila, fell into Jake's lap and compared him to a puppy, because everybody loves puppies. But did she kiss him, or did she kiss Matty? F@#$ing Ally and her beta-blocker! Why oh why won't Tamara answer her phone to clear this up?
So, the adult BFF fight was about said beta-blocker. Lacey may be laissez faire when it comes to parenting, but she draws the line at her friend slipping drugs to her kid. Jake shows up to return Jenna's dad's shirt, cause she puked on his--just after she lectured him about kissing her when he already has a girlfriend. Whew! Crisis averted. She didn't kiss Jake. So, it must have been Matty, right? Except instead of a kiss, she remembers accusing him of being a snob, and not going public with her because she's not cool enough. He left, feelings hurt, but I think Jenna shamed him a little, too. She texts an apology to him stat, but only receives a monosyllabic, whatever response. Then Ming calls to have her check her page again, and there is a pic of the biggest party foul of all--Jenna kissing Ricky Schwartz! In front of Tamara. Oh. Snap.
The Final Act: Ally apologizes to Jenna and Lacey, and they make up. Not Jenna and Tamara, though, who takes Jenna's tearful offer of I'm-sorry-donuts (mmm, donuts), but tosses their Best Friends picture at her feet. And, the biggest FU of all, confesses that SHE wrote the "care-frontation" letter!? (This, I refuse to believe.)
Best Jenna/Matty moment: Okay, it's just a little thing, but on the back porch when she almost falls over and he goes to catch her--that protective crap gets me every time.
Best Quote: "I'm studying Portuguese." What?